Natalie: Oh my gosh. That's Laura Linney ten feet in front of us.
Eli: WHAT?! WHERE?
Natalie: . . . ten feet in front of us.
Eli: I'VE NEVER MET HER!
Natalie: Should that be a surprise to me?
Eli: She's just standing there! Right. There.
Natalie: Yeah. So she can probably hear you. Because you're talking super loudly.
Eli: What are we supposed to do in this situation?! HOW DO I EVEN LOOK OMG MY BREATH!!!?
Natalie: I'm guessing from the tone of your voice and the fact that your words aren't making sense that you like Laura Linney?
Eli: Who DOESN'T like Laura Linney?! I mean, I guess I've never really thought about it before. But, yeah. I really do like Laura Linney.
Natalie: So go talk to her!
Eli: But what would I say?!
Natalie: Tell her you like her and ask her if you can take a picture with her.
Eli: But that's so annoying! She probably wants to be left alone!
Natalie: No. She knows what her job is. This is part of her job. Plus you don't look very crazy and you're wearing a suit. So it will probably be a welcomed fan interaction.
Eli: Ok. I can do this.
Natalie: Are you nervous?
Eli: Um . . . no. I'm not nervous. Why should I be? She's just a person who happens to be good at acting. If our interaction doesn't go well, it will have no effect on my life whatsoever.
Natalie: Not at all nervous?
Natalie: Ok then just go for it!
Eli: Ok! [Eli walks ten feet forward]. Um hello.
Laura Linney: Hello.
Eli: Haha. Good to make your acquaintance. Or . . . not that. Nice meets. Meeting. Um . . . So if the--I mean. But you are here.
Laura Linney: Ok?
Eli: That's not what I m--hi. Except you already know that! I mean I already said it. Hello. That I said. HAHAHAHAHAHA.
Laura Linney: Yes . . . um . . . hello again.
Laura Linney: Ok?
Eli: THE TRUMAN SHOW! I mean, that movie where you say it with the thing with the Jim Carey you know NOT THAT I WISH HE WAS HERE because I'm so glad to meet you! HAHAHAHA.
Laura Linney: Oh . . . you like that movie? Thank you!
Eli: What I mean is that this camera or I mean phone or I mean if my friend has or she'll take . . . um . . . can we?
Laura Linney: You want to take a picture together?
Eli: Precisely! I don't know why I said "precisely" though. I usually say "exactly." This time I said "precisely." NOT THAT I'M NERVOUS!
Laura Linney: We can take a picture! I'm flattered that you want to!
Eli: Ok! [Then in a dragon voice that shook the streets of New York City] NATALIE! TAKE OUR PICTURE! LAURA LINNEY WANTS A PICTURE WITH ME! TAKE! IT!
Natalie: Ok . . . Smile, you two!
Eli: [standing side by side for a picture] Sorry.
Laura Linney: Excuse me?
Eli: Just. Sorry. Because I'm annoying. And I'm sorry.
Laura Linney: You're not annoying!
Eli: Ok. It's just that everyone probably does this to you because who doesn't like you? I mean come on, Laura Linney.
Natalie: You two look very handsome together!
Eli:STOP IT NATALIE! [in a dragon voice]
Eli: Oh! AND Abigail Adams! Because we just went to Hamilton but you were Abigail Adams! So that's neat!
Laura Linney: Ok . . . well you two have a great evening.
Eli: And for you! [Eli slightly bows, very aggressively. It looks like an attempted head butt.]
Eli: Well I think that went quite well.
Natalie: She can still hear you.
Post Script: When I posted this picture on the Instagrams, Disney Prince Hair Brandt commented and asked whether I got an explanation from Laura Linney for why she introduced Downton Abbey every week. (For those unfamiliar, Laura Linney used to walk out onto a dark stage every week and say "I'm Laura Linney. Now please enjoy this week's Downton Abbey." And this made no sense because Laura Linney has nothing to do with Downton Abbey. It would be like if Oprah came on the TV every week to tell you to enjoy Happy Days or something.). Not getting an explanation for this when I actually could have is my biggest life regret.
~It Just Gets Stranger