A barely-exaggerated transcript of a conversation that happened today at work:
Woman: What are you wearing?
Eli: Oh I see what this is! Brianne put you up to this! Listen, I can wear the same t-shirt two days in a row. That doesn't make me a bad attorney.
Eli: Not everyone has to wear a suit all the time. Get with the picture. This is 2017, ma'am.
Woman: I mean--
Eli: And another thing! What makes you think it's ok to walk up to someone and criticize the way they choose to dress?! Do I ask you why you're wearing those shoes?!
Eli: Exactly! I leave you alone! I don't judge you for looking like a homeless person in a work environment so why do you think it's ok to judge me?!
Woman: I just meant--
Eli: MY RIGHTS ARE HUMAN RIGHTS AND HUMAN RIGHTS ARE MY RIGHTS!
Woman: I'm asking--
Eli: MAYBE YOU SHOULD GO READ UP ON A LITTLE SOMETHING CALLED THE BILL OF RIGHTS!
Eli:AS I WALK THROUGH THE VALLEY OF THE SHADOW OF DEATH--
Brianne: WOULD YOU SHUT UP!? SHE'S ASKING YOU WHAT COLOGNE YOU'RE WEARING!
Eli: Oh. Really?
Woman: Yes. I just noticed you smell good so I was wondering what you're wearing because I want to buy my husband some new cologne.
Eli: Oh. Wow! I'm so flattered! I don't even know what to say!
Woman: Well, what cologne are you wearing?
Eli: Oh, I don't know. This isn't my shirt.
|I sometimes think I spend so much time having conversations with a dog that it's making me bad at conversations with people.
~It Just Gets Stranger