Rebecca: I HAVE TRIED TO CALL YOU 27 TIMES!
Eli: No. You have tried to call me 2 times.
Rebecca: I COULD HAVE BEEN MURDERED!
Eli: Someone was trying to murder you?
Rebecca: Someone is always trying to murder me! That's why I call you!
Eli: I would encourage you to reach out to an emergency response team and not a 33-year-old man 2,000 miles away who just realized he has 11 pillows in his house despite having never bought a pillow in his life.
Rebecca: Well I have important things to tell you! You need to answer the phone when I call!
Eli: I mean, where did all of these pillows come from? How did I end up with any pillows?
Rebecca: I have big news for you! BIG news!
Eli: Now that I think about it, I don't even know where one buys pillows in the first place.
Rebecca: The BIGGEST news ever!
Eli: Have I ever even seen pillows in a store?
Rebecca: Are you sitting down for my big news?
Eli: Maybe nobody buys pillows? Maybe everyone is like me. They have a house full of pillows and they have no idea where they came from.
Rebecca: Get ready! Because I'm about to tell you my big news!
Eli: I can't even think of a brand that makes pillows. Is there a famous pillow company I'm just not thinking about?
Rebecca: You are just going to DIE when you hear this!
Eli: Maybe the mattress companies? Do mattress companies make pillows? Do they just come with the mattresses? Is that how everyone has pillows? We buy mattresses and they just send a few home with us?
Rebecca: And I want YOU to be the first to hear it!
Eli: Are pillows like the fortune cookie of the bedding industry?
Rebecca: I'm PREGNANT!
Eli: Pillows are kind of a weird thing anyway. It's a soft piece of material we put all over our houses so we can rest our heads for 1/3 or more of our lives.
Eli: How did evolution not make us strong enough to support our own heads?
Rebecca: ELI!!! I'M GOING TO HAVE A BABY!!!!
Eli: . . . why are you yelling?
Rebecca: I'm trying to tell you that I'm pregnant!
Eli: Oh crap. I just remembered I was supposed to explain sex to you on your wedding day. Is this all my fault?
Rebecca: Well I'm glad you didn't because I WANT to have this baby. This is GOOD news!
Eli: This IS good news! I can't believe there's finally going to be a baby named after me.
Rebecca: I'm never going to get tricked into doing that no matter how subtly you slip it in.
Eli: Are you going to have a baby shower?
Eli: Can I come?
Rebecca: Of course.
Eli: I already know what I'm going to get you as a gift!
Rebecca: Is it a pillow?
Eli: No. You can't actually buy those anywhere.
Congrats, you two.
~It Just Gets Stranger