Last month the Stranger troll said I was desperate because I shared the most recent Strangerville episode twice in one week and I'm nothing if not consistently pathetic so you should all definitely click on the below. Every time you do a troll learns one new grammatical rule.
In other news, I'm still alive, thanks for asking.
The neighborhood was probably worried starting around 9:30 on Saturday night when I found myself slumped over on Lynne's couch while two dozen well-dressed people tried to make conversation with me. This included our mailman, whom Lynne invited to our party after apparently developing a much more successful relationship with him than I have.
I really probably should have gone home. Nevertheless she persisted. I stayed out at the party until around 1:00 in the morning. So late that you can see Bob and Cathie shaking their heads from space.
I walked the two houses home. By the time I got there, I was shivering so dramatically that I met my exercise quota for the month.
And thus began the longest night of my year.
For the next however-many hours, I was up and down, in and out of bed, trying to drink water because I felt dehydrated, but not too much because I also felt nauseous. Twice I fainted on the bathroom floor, mostly for the drama. And by the time the sun pierced the sky in the morning, I most definitely had not slept more than an hour.
I did not step outside once on Sunday. I could barely get myself to walk across a room for the entire day. Skylar kindly made chicken soup and then he and Kate sat at the dinner table eating it while I lay limply on the couch, moaning every 30 or so seconds so everyone would remember whom this was all about.
And then Monday morning happened.
My greatest downfall--the sole reason I'm currently not the acting Pope--is my persistent inability to fully rest after sickness.
Look. The good Lord both blessed and cursed me with an unhealthy level of energy. I don't relax very well. I'm the worst person in the entire world to go see movies with. I've lost relationships over this. My biggest complaint when I lived in Palau was that there was nothing to do but relax.
I have literally taken medication for this.
And so, it is nearly impossible for me to "wait it out" when I'm sick. I will push my body exactly as hard as it is willing to go at any given moment.
If I'm vomiting the sins of all mankind, fine. I'll stay by the toilet. If I can't walk across a room without fainting, ok. I'll try to avoid walking across any rooms.
But if I wake up after being crippled in bed for an entire day, wherein I didn't once leave the house for a second, and I feel like my body will consent to allow me to drive to the office without killing anyone, I will do that. No matter how many of my friends or Briannes scream at me to just stay home.
This isn't heroic. It's not even productive. It's just plain stupid. And I understand that. Which makes it even more stupid.
I knew when I was driving into the office on Monday that I wasn't actually going to get any meaningful work done and that at best I was just prolonging the illness. I knew that if I just stayed home and fought through the anxiety that comes from not doing anything, I would probably be feeling almost completely better by Tuesday.
But I drove to the office anyway.
And by the time I got there, I was shivering and curled up into a little ball on the floor.
Rinse, wash, repeat on Tuesday.
Except now I have new symptoms so I think some things may actually be getting worse. I haven't been to see a doctor yet because A. Every time I think I should, I convince myself that I'm actually feeling better, and B. You guys already diagnosed me with diphtheria on Monday so it would just be a waste of a copay.
I have at least tried to get medical advice from my unqualified friends. For example, I told Skylar that I had diarrhea because he's basically a doctor and I thought he might be helpful and he was if you consider "why are you telling me this" good feedback.
Thankfully I have my knitting to get me and Mr. Duncan Doodle through this trying time.
And THAT is a sentence I never thought I would write.
~It Just Gets Stranger