This entry is intended to be completely serious. I am currently dying. I am dying a slow and painful death. A death of misery and suffering. A death that is unstoppable and unpreventable. I am dying from my mutating, mating, miserable canker sores from hell. And there is nothing I can do about it.
How do I know that there is nothing I can do about it? Found out all day today at work when I became bound and determined to discover what causes the tiny curses and how the heck I'm supposed to fight them; and I got the same answer online, in books, and from all the people I know- there is no known cause, there is no known cure, and there is NO hope. My friend Jason told me they are probably a direct result of sin. This may be true. If it is true, I really wish I could get cursed with something I can bare, like cold sores, hang nails, warts, tuberculosis, heart burn, kidney stones, spider veins, or some fungus that you can only kill through amputation. But canker sores are too much for me.
I did find out that doctors recommend that people with canker sores stop using toothpaste containing SLS, which caused a dramatic scream tonight when I realized that my toothpaste is practically just one giant glob of SLS and that, after looking through the whole house, I only found that all toothpaste is one giant glob of SLS. So I now will go one more night, my mouth a burning bloody heap of pain and woe. And there's nothing I can do about it but drain a whole bottle of NyQuil or whatever other legal drug I can get my hands on, wrap myself in a warm blanket and lay on the floor, crying myself to sleep. That is--if I can actually get to sleep. All this while the two canker sores I already have mate and create more. I wonder if someone somewhere has some kind of satanic voodoo doll that they are using to give me cancer of the mouth. Of course that would mean that someone cares enough about me to create a voodoo doll in my behalf which may actually be slightly less satanic and a bit more flattering.
Any advice on the matter would be GREATLY appreciated!! (I'm referring to the canker sores- not the voodoo dolls).
~It Just Gets Stranger
Canker Sores
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