I've learned a lot of things since I got to Palau. But the very biggest thing is this: it is so freaking unbelievably hot on the equator.


Man is not meant to live this close to the sun. We didn't evolve this way. I actually don't think man can evolve to be able to handle this. Because the locals' families have been on the island since the dinosaurs and they seem to think it's just as hot as I do. That's why the men walk around with their shirts rolled up over the top of their bellies and why everything takes so long to get done.

I haven't yet dared to join the belly-shirt trend. But every day I get a little closer.

Because it's so so so hot down here. And the last thing anyone down here wants to do at any given time is anything. Because when it's hot, doing stuff is uncomfortable. Even stuff that didn't seem that bad when I was living in winterland.

Suddenly you don't just have to do your laundry anymore. You have to do your laundry while it's hot.

You no longer have to simply go to the grocery store. You have to go to the grocery store in the miserable heat.

Meeting up with your friends? No. Not that simple. You have to meet up with your friends with beams from hell shooting at you from the sky.

I really believe that the only reason why there is still a civilization in Palau is because it's so hot that nobody wanted to put forth the effort to migrate to somewhere more sensible.

Not that I dislike Palau. It's really beautiful and blah blah blah. But, you get the idea.

It's hot.

And not only is it hot ALL THE TIME. It is SO SO SO humid.

Guys. I have been sweating non-stop for 3 months. I truly don't believe there has been a single identifiable moment where I have not had sweat pouring from all of my sweat glands. I have to wash my sheets every 3 minutes because by the time I wake up in the morning they look, smell, and feel like I wore them while training for an Ironman.

I know. Eli, you knew it was going to be hot. Why did you move to Palau if you couldn't handle the heat?

Seriously guys? You have to point that out right now? Sometimes you can be so tacky. By the way, I like that shirt. Is it new?

So, I went to 3rd grade. I remember learning that the equator is hot. I was paying attention. It was on one of the days when I had to sit behind aged Mrs. Painter's desk because Torie Thomas and I had been playing "touch Mrs. Painter's butt without her noticing." And I lost.

But I didn't think it was going to be this hot. Before I came to Palau, I packed some long-sleeved shirts and shipped 7 blankets for those chilly tropical nights. Guess what? THEY DON'T EXIST!!!

It is NEVER EVER, no matter what else you've heard, chilly in Palau. I don't even believe that it's cold inside the freezer in my apartment.

I really want to stress this in case you aren't following: it is SO FREAKING HOT!!!

As a result, I opt against wearing clothes whenever possible. Whenever possible is pretty much just when I'm at home. The problem is, I have two very large windows at the front of my place and the neighbors frequently walk by and can see everything that I'm doing. Like, say, hand-stand contests and the occasional impromptu nude interpretive dance without music.

So I have to make a decision between privacy and view/airflow.

Guys, I know. Modest is hottest. I was a Mormon in the '90s. But when you move to the equator, modest really is hottest. And not in the pioneer-sexy way. But in the sweaty suffocation way.

What I need right now more than anything is for everyone to remind me how horrible snow is. Because I'm sort of starting to forget what it feels like. Is it like cotton?

~It Just Gets Stranger