Yesterday I got back from the beach, took a shower, and then threw on the first clothes I could find in a pile of laundry that hadn't been folded yet. Daniel was making a quick trip to the grocery store and I wanted to go with him because I don't think he should go places alone. Daniel is very late for everything and is rarely in a hurry to get anywhere except for on the rare occasion that I need him to wait a minute. This was one of those rare occasions, and I was rushed by the impatient screaming and key jiggling coming from the front door.
We got into the store and that's when it all went down.
Daniel: Why are you wearing my flip flops, which are a full SEVEN sizes too big for you?
Eli: Because I can't find any of mine.
Daniel: And my shorts?
Eli: I don't know. They were just sitting there and they looked comfy.
Daniel: And my sunglasses?
Eli: Sharing is caring, Daniel.
Daniel: You're also wearing my shirt.
Eli: Ok, to be fair, you gave me this shirt because you said it doesn't fit you.
Daniel: No. I did not. And that shirt obviously doesn't fit you.
Eli: Actually it does. Or it will when I have it tailored.
Daniel: You will not do that.
Eli: No seriously. It's no trouble at all. And don't you dare try to pay for it! This one is on me!
Daniel: That is so not what I was protesting. You will not tailor any of my clothes to fit your misshaped body.
Eli: Well. We'll just have to agree to disagree.
Daniel: No. This isn't one of those things where you can just agree to disagree. I'm twice your size. We don't share clothes. It wouldn't be fair because I couldn't wear yours.
Eli: Sorry. This is just the price for being my friend. It's a friend tax. Half of my clothes belonged to friends of mine at one point or another.
Daniel: And you just took them?!
Eli: Well anything sounds bad when you say it with that tone, Daniel. Any of these friends are welcome to wear the clothes as well if they want to borrow them. I'm not like you. I share.
Daniel: How can someone with as many boundaries and personal space issues as you be so comfortable taking other people's clothes and wearing them?
Eli: What can I say? I know what I like, and I take.
Daniel: You should come with a warning label when people meet you. A LONG warning label.
Eli: Oh my gosh. I just realized I've been using your phone all day. HOW DID I NOT NOTICE THAT!?
Daniel: Ugh. I don't even want to know whose underwear you're wearing right now.
Eli: Ha! Nobody's!
Daniel: . . . you can keep the shorts.
Eli: [whispering] yes!!!
~It Just Gets Stranger
Someone is a Liiiiitle Selfish with His Clothes
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