Eli: Hey, I have a question for you.

Kurt: I know this is either going to be really disconcerting or extremely infuriating, but ok.

Eli: This is actually kind of a serious topic. Something happened today and I'm a little uneasy. Actually, freaked out about it.

Kurt: Really? What's going on? Are you ok?

Eli: At what point does a person's actions become actual, true, "stalking." Like, when could someone call the police about this?

Kurt: Um, Eli? Are we in danger? Should I be worried?

Eli: No. I don't think so. But people are so unpredictable and sometimes it's just really hard to know what they're going to do. It's probably fine. But I don't want to end up in the middle of trouble that I could have avoided.

Kurt: Ok. Give me the scenario.

Eli: So let's say that a person follows another person home just to find out where that person lives.

Kurt: That's creepy. But I don't know that the police would do anything about that. Is that all?

Eli: No. So then the "potential stalker" repeatedly returns to that house and walks by it dozens of times, hoping that the person inside will happen to come out.

Kurt: That's definitely worse. And--

Eli: And the potential stalker also finds out where the victim works and frequently goes there as well and takes pictures of the person to text to other people.

Kurt: Are you saying you have paparazzi?

Eli: Don't be ridiculous.

Kurt: Well I definitely think you need to be careful. That sounds a little dangerous. Also--

Eli: And what if from time to time the potential stalker gets up really close to the house and looks through the windows?

Kurt: Definitely not ok.

Eli: But it's only with the windows that are open.

Kurt: That really doesn't matter. It's not ok to look through someone's windows.

Eli: Ugh. FINE. I'll stop. It's not worth all of this moral ambiguity.

Kurt: Huh? You'll stop? Wait a minute. Are YOU the stalker in this situation?!

Eli: POTENTIAL stalker. Yes.

Kurt: Then why did you premise this conversation with statements that made you sound like the victim?! Why did you say you're freaked out?!

Eli: Because I don't want to get in trouble, obviously. I just want to stalk people in peace.


Eli: Well it's actually a funny story. So, Jolyn and I--

Kurt: Stop. I don't need to hear another word. You are not allowed to see Jolyn anymore unless I'm there.

Eli: You can't GROUND me from Jolyn!

Kurt: Eli, if I don't stop you and Jolyn from spending time together, eventually the police are going to stop both of you from spending time with anyone.

Eli: Ok. But I'm not going to be the one to tell her.

Kurt: Oh my gosh.

Eli: What?

Kurt: I just realized that all of the conversations you post on Stranger are probably actually real conversations.

Eli: Meow.

~It Just Gets Stranger