I got four voicemails within five minutes from Rebecca the other day. Each said roughly the same thing: "HELP! EMERGENCY! WHY AREN'T YOU ANSWERING! I'M NOT SAFE!"
I had mixed feelings. There was a little "boy who cried wolf" going on because of the time when Rebecca told me she was "getting attacked in the streets." But also, she's living in Paris, and with each voicemail, the entire plot of Taken ran through my mind. So I called her back.
Eli: START YELLING OUT EVERYTHING YOU SEE! TATTOOS, SCARS, OR ANY OTHER IDENTIFYING INFORMATION AT ALL!
Rebecca: Is this a Taken thing? Because I'm not actually in danger.
Eli: But the voicemails?!
Rebecca: Oh. I was just walking home from somewhere and wanted someone to talk to.
In some ways I want to kill Rebecca. In other ways, she is just me in a woman body. And this confuses me.
And now, your Pictures and Distractions:
|Ms. Hannah Rose, flying.|
|My apartment is clean. I took this picture to prove it because it may never happen again.|
|A page from my childhood journal.|
|The Mormon Conference Center in Salt Lake City.|
|The usual crowd out at Mormon headquarters near my house passing out pamphlets that explain why all Mormons are going to Hell. |
*****Stranger Picture of the Week
|Thanks, Cristyn, who spotted these REAL stuffed roosters at a craft market for ONLY $200. THIS IS NOT A DRILL, PEOPLE!|
Crap to distract you from whatever you're supposed to be doing:
How easy is it to make a hit song? Thanks, Brian.
Kids' art turned into freaky toys. Thanks, Benjamin.
Flower beards. This world is dying. Thanks, Jessie.
Someone get me this book. NOW. Thanks, Janel.
20 European cities to visit. And L'viv made the list! Thanks, Max.
Seemingly offensive cards. Thanks, Francie.
For those who hate camping. Thanks, Antoinette.
Beautiful photos of motherhood from around the world. Thanks, Paul.
30 magical photos of children playing around the world. Thanks, Krishelle.
If you would like to have something included on Pictures and Distractions, please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
~It Just Gets Stranger