I'll start this off by admitting that I am a regular and unapologetic offender of at least some of these things on my own Instagram account. BUT THAT DOESN'T MAKE IT OK DO AS I SAY NOT AS I DO!!!!
1. Gratuitous selfies that have nothing to do with the caption:
|OMG my totes BFF Tami comes back from her trip today i have missed her so much these last two days ahhh!!!!!!!!!!!! #loveher #bestfriend #myperson
If the post really is about your friend coming back from a trip, THEN POST A PICTURE OF YOUR FRIEND! Why have you given us a selfie? What does a picture of your face have anything to do with Tami coming back from her trip!? HASHTAG ENOUGH WITH THE SELFIES!
2. Gratuitous pictures of your body posted as a thinly-veiled attempt to show something having nothing to do with your body.
|I love my new bracelet so much and wanted to show you how great it is! Look how it sits on my wrist! It's so amazing! #bling
If you are trying to show off your new bracelet, WHY HAVE YOU GIVEN US A PICTURE OF YOUR WHOLE NAKED BODY!?! If you want us to see how beautiful the sunset is, WHY ARE YOU SHOWING US A PICTURE OF YOUR CHEST?!? I know that advertisers do this and I know that sex sells, but think about the children!
3. Gym selfies and accompanying obnoxious hashtags.
|Gym time again. #gettingswole #pumped #monster #protein #allnatural #roidfree
I don't understand the point of these but I ESPECIALLY don't understand the point of all of the hashtagging about how incredibly "swole" you are getting. WHAT IS THE OBJECTIVE HERE?! WHY ARE THESE HAPPENING?!
Furthermore, I hereby declare that anyone who has ever used any variation of #gettingswole should be barred from all social media forever. I cannot be talked out of this.
4. Pictures of yourself waking up.
Who started hashtag I woke up like dis and have they been tried yet for their crimes against humanity? Is the purpose of these selfies to demonstrate to the world how beautiful the poster is when he/she first wakes up in the morning? I don't understand. But I will pay everyone a total sum of $10 to be divided among you evenly if all the people in the world will agree to stop doing this. You have 24 hours.
5. Pictures of every single thing ever eaten.
|OMG look at what I'm eating right now right this second! #lunch #blueberries #iwokeuplikedis
What's that? Where did I get that photo? Did I get it from my own Instagram account? NEVER YOU MIND WHERE I GOT IT. The point is WHY ARE WE ALL POSTING A THOUSAND PICTURES OF OUR FOOD?! Seriously. Have you ever gotten onto Instagram hoping that you will see what everyone is eating for dinner that day? NO. You got onto Instagram hoping to see irreverent memes that use profanity and your feed is instead clogged with pictures of what everyone is eating for dinner. THIS NEEDS TO STOP.
6. Excessive nonsensical hashtagging.
Every time you do this I am forced to read every single hashtag individually and mock ALL of them and I don't have time for this!
7. A video of you doing the Nae Nae.
I won't even try to demonstrate this one because I do not want to have to listen to that song and I refuse to have any corner of my brain wasted on knowing any of that horrible routine. So instead I'll just post the video of that time Anna Swayne hung a fake head from my ceiling. ON MY BIRTHDAY.
8. An infinite number of pictures and captions reminding the world how great your relationship is.
We get it. Your relationship is terrible and you are trying to compensate for that by declaring the opposite on social media outlets. Oldest trick in the book. Why do you think I post so many pictures of myself eating Mexican food from Betos?
9. Photo collages.
|Look at my life! #picstitch
I hate ALL photo collages. But I especially hate when there are so many pictures in a photo collage that I can't tell on my little phone what the Hell is going on. I've gotten to the point now that when I see a photo collage I immediately just scroll on because I don't want to go through the headache of trying to decipher each minuscule image.
10. Pictures of Tami.
It's just gross, guys. Enough already.
~It Just Gets Stranger