(Woot. Strangerville Live is next week. Get your tickets if you haven't already. Support Jolyn. She supports you.)
When I was 14, my older sister Krisanda offered to drive me and my best friend Sam to our local movie theater. I don't recall what movie we were seeing. This would have been around 1998. I want to say it was Titanic, but I know that Cathie McCann would never have allowed me to go see that film without her and her hand over my eyes so I wouldn't be tempted by boobs. Sam had been issued a similar embargo.
I don't remember why, exactly, but neither of us ever seemed tempted to break the rule and sneak in to see Titanic without our parents.
In any event, Krisanda offered to drive us to see a movie that was definitely not Titanic and certainly contained zero to negative zero boobs.
We were on summer break and it was a rainy day. Krisanda was in high school and had regular access to the white family Astro van, which was something of a sexmobile in the 90s.
We were free, independent, and cruising the streets of South Jordan Utah, nary a parent or guardian in sight, when suddenly, for reasons I still don't know to this day, the van swerved off of the road and into the front yard of a little house.
In my memory, we were careening straight toward the porch at 60 miles per hour for nearly a full eternity. If I could play back the video, we would probably see that the whole thing only lasted about three seconds.
I do remember Krisanda screaming as she pounded the brake with both of her feet. The van slid to a stop, mere feet from the house. Krisanda yelled "IS EVERYONE OK" while simultaneously throwing the van into reverse and hitting the gas.
You know how they always say that criminals frequently revisit the scene of their crimes? We drove by six or seven times over the next week to see whether the tire marks in the lawn had gone away yet.
We never told our parents about this. I don't remember agreeing to keep it a secret. I think it was just an unspoken rule. So I guess this is me finally coming clean.
I hope I we don't get grounded or lose access to the family van over this.
And now I want to hear your confessions to your parents. Go!
And please enjoy the return of Meg in the flesh on this week's Strangerville.
This time in Strangerville, Meg apologizes for her entire pregnancy, Eli can’t believe how old the cast of Friends is now, and a young woman has the worst experience anyone could possibly have while delivering a class presentation.
Class Presentation (Repeat), by Lauren Mortensen
~It Just Gets Stranger