[You guys. Strangerville Live is this Friday, March 6, at 8:00 in Salt Lake City. Get tickets now or else I'll turn this internet around. You can find them HERE.]
Skylar likes to complain that he doesn't get hit on. It's a very strange thing to whine about to the person you have vowed to love and to serve and worship for all time in a ceremony before your friends and family and gay God.
I think that's what we promised. I'm not totally sure. It was hard to hear over the sounds of the panicked screaming in my head.
The point is, Skylar thinks I'm going to be a sympathetic ear when he tells me "no one ever even flirts with me or tries to get me to violate the bonds of our marriage."
"I mean, obviously I would turn them down," he promises, you know, like he did on September 28, 2019 at a very expensive party in the mountains where I was forced to wear a suit for 10 straight hours.
"It's just so unfair because you always get hit on," he tells me.
This is not true. But Skylar is convinced I spend my days batting away dozens of potential suitors. I honestly don't know where he came up with this idea. Whenever he's with me he thinks every person we encounter is trying to have an affair with me. The barista at the coffee shop. The flight attendant. Anderson Cooper, who Skylar is convinced can see me through the TV.
"Look at how he tells you the news. That's not how you tell someone the news when you aren't trying to flirt with them."
"Sky, no one has hit on me since at least 2015," I've repeatedly assured him. "No one wants either of us."
I felt pretty confident about that argument. Then last week he texted me a screenshot of a message he had just received on Instagram from a stranger.
"We have not discussed terms yet so I don't know whether this will cover tuition," he said.
I told Skylar to at least get a specific proposal so we could find out how much he's worth. "I'll probably just delete it," he responded, as though I was seriously suggesting he consider this.
He's been walking around with more of a strut the last few days. Every step he takes seems to whisper, "yeah, I've still got it." He seems more confident. I can't tell, but I think he might even be looking down on me now.
It's amazing how much a vague bid from a interested sugar daddy over the internet can turn the tables.
|Look out for this sugar baby!|
~It Just Gets Stranger