This weekend I went to my friend Burke's house and we had nothing to do so obviously we turned to destructive behavior. Like DRUGS AND VANDALISM!

Not that I know what those are, Cathie.

Ok, so we didn't turn to drugs and vandalism. Partly because even if I wanted to turn to drugs, I would have absolutely no idea how to get any. Like, I think you just go the alley and say something like, "hey man. You got the hook ups tonight?" And then you have to do that sneaky handshake thing where you exchange money for a little baggie. But then I wouldn't really know how to do the drugs once I got them home.

I would probably just end up putting them in a blender and making a smoothie. But then I would get too scared to drink it because what if they were poison drugs?

Also, I don't really do vandalism either because I don't really like destruction. It feels really wasteful and ungrateful to me. One time someone I was kind of mad at asked me to drop something of his off at his house that had been sitting in my car. So I took it to his house and dramatically threw it onto the porch, saying under my breath, "I don't even CARE if you get this!"

But then I walked back to the car and sat in it for about five minutes feeling guilty, so I walked back to the porch and straightened the thing and also swept up some leaves that had blown up there. Then I texted him to make sure he got it.

So I think even if I tried to vandalize, it would end up being a disaster and I would probably repaint whatever I defaced and then make a donation to the nearest YWCA just to clear my conscience.

Bob and Cathie spent an unnecessary amount of time during the course of my childhood worrying about whether or not I was going to end up in prison one day and an INSUFFICIENT amount of time worrying about whether or not I would end up naked in public places one day.

Parenting FAIL.

Anyway, having determined that we were incapable of drugs or vandalism, we decided instead to watch a scary movie. Because Halloween.

We skimmed the selection for a while before finally descending and settling upon Children of the Corn.

You guys. The human race be making some crazy crap during my early childhood. I already knew this because my entire youth (and early adulthood) was haunted by my memories of Stephen King's classic made-for-TV mini-series IT, which Bob manipulated me into watching with him.

Bob: Want to watch a fun movie with me?

Eli: What is it, daddy?!

Bob: Oh, you'll really like it. It's about clowns!


Bob: Yes! And balloons! It's a movie for kids!

Eli: Ok daddy! I trust you and your judgment as a parent! Surely you would never subject me to anything that will cause me to have nightmares for the next two decades!

Bob: That's right! Now shut up and don't interrupt me until your mother gets back home.

[a couple hours later]

Anyway, Children of the Corn was clearly right out of the same era. And I can't say we were doing an exceptional job at paying attention, but we kind of watched it. And I think the entire plot of the movie was: terrible child actors with Biblical names slaughter all of the adults. The end.

But now, since Halloween is approaching and all, I need your suggestions on your favorite/least favorite scary movies.

~It Just Gets Stranger