My five-year-old niece Emrie, formerly known as "the niece who hates me," called me tonight to ask if she can come sleep over at my house. Our relationship seems to be on the mend lately. Any communication she used to direct at me tended to be judgy and acerbic. Suddenly it's pleasant and cordial. The only thing that's changed between us? Emrie came to my house one time and saw that I have a laundry chute.
I FINALLY HAVE SOMETHING IN MY LIFE SHE CARES ABOUT!
I'm thinking about trying to resolve all of my strained relationships with the same medicine. Someone get Oprah on Facetime so I can demonstrate how the chute works!
Fingers crossed that times are changing between me and Emrie. I'm going to need to be on her good side so she can take care of me when I'm old and wandering the neighborhood confused and naked. Right now, nobody is taking responsibility for it and I don't want that to be the case in another 40 years.
And now, your Pictures and Distractions.
|That bone never had a chance with Mr. Ollie Pants.
|My shutters came! Hashtag no more walking around naked with an audience. Hashtag frowny face.
|Sam came to town this weekend! Also, based on this picture, I think I may have pink eye.
|It's like the fortune cookie chose me.
Crap to distract you from whatever you're supposed to be doing:
The hazards of backyard chickens. Thanks, Jonelle.
White people stereotypes. Thanks, Rob.
Another hysterical parody of Serial. (Some explicit language). Thanks, Corey.
Michigan frat destroys ski resort. Thanks, Paul.
Judgey moms. Thanks, Kimbally.
How to fall in love. I just tried this with Tami AND IT WORKED. Thanks, Liz.
Since everyone has decided to like Taylor Swift now, here are two of her songs sung at the same time. Thanks, Anna.
How to use ellipses. Thanks, Luke.
A great one from The Onion. Thanks, Brooke.
The weirdest video on the whole Internet. Thanks, Brian.
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~It Just Gets Stranger