Ollie Pictures from my Phone & Weekly Distractions I'm about to get on a red eye flight to NYC (prayers be with me). Matt has spent his evening wandering the valley with me collecting IKEA furniture
The Perfects Trick or Treat This Halloween was my very first ever Halloween as a homeowner and I cannot possibly overstate how excited I was about this. But I'll try. Remember when you
Ridiculous The Porch, Fear Excuse me. But I guess I'M A TECHNOLOGY GENIUS! Because I just basically technologied all over the entire Internet to bring you today's post. A while back the three most recent Youtube videos of my stories on The Porch were
Ridiculous The Lost Journal Series, Part XI Because it's been a while. February 15, 1995 (10 years old): Did you know that if you turn a butterfly from a slug it doesnt turn back and thats why when a persen changes in to a better HUMAN BEING they will
The Perfects Glass [Quick Announcement: We will be back at The Porch in SLC this coming Saturday. It's a late show (10:00 PM OH MY GOSH HOW WILL WE STAY AWAKE). Please come and bring your friends and grandmas. It's a new
Wade Jodi Last week was John Michael's birthday so we decided to throw him a Halloween-themed birthday party at my house because I refuse to treat any of my 30-something-year-old
Ollie Let Them Eat Cake On Friday night I went to Matt's house. I like going there because WHAT IF MR. OLLIE PANTS, but also because, as a southern gentleman, Matt always inexplicably
Rebecca Facetime with Rebecca Eli: Becky, I need your help. Rebecca: I AM SO GOOD AT HELPING! Eli: I know. That's why I called you. What the hell are you eating right
Ridiculous WE ARE ALL FAMILY So the other day I posted that thing about my family reunion and how my grandma wanted to go clubbin' with me and I made a passing joke that
The Siblings Family Reunion I have like 14 family reunions every summer because I come from several incredibly active gigantic Utah Mormon families. So, I belong to eleventy different groups that plan family reunions
Ollie Pictures from my Phone & Weekly Distractions Rebecca texted me at some ungodly hour this morning to inform me that she can't leave to go back to Washington DC until she sees me. So I
Wade Birthing a Mattress I've basically been sleeping on one of those Flintstone beds for the past few years. Just a very uncomfortable slab of bumpy rock. Except, worse even. If I so much as contemplate rolling over in it, the mattress squeaks so loudly that
Emails Hippie School Emails Recently I met someone who works at something called a "Montessori" school. He gave me a very long explanation for what this is but basically it's
Ridiculous Keys on Main Every time I hang out with my friend John Michael I end up in an odd situation that takes a surprising amount of time to exit. Friday was no exception. I had gone over to his house mid-evening. He was watching a football game.
Ollie Praise Be To Alanna I have been relatively clear here that I am basically incompetent when it comes to technology or what the kids are calling "The Internets." And this is pathetic because I have maintained this blog for nearly 8 years now (OH MY GOSH
Rebecca Mono I was standing in line at Starbucks on Thursday morning to get some pumpkin bread BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND I CAN EAT PUMPKIN FLAVORED FOODS WHENEVER I WANT SO BACK OFF. I somehow accidentally pocket Facetimed Rebecca and she answered before I could
Ollie The Ten Most Annoying Instagram Posts I'll start this off by admitting that I am a regular and unapologetic offender of at least some of these things on my own Instagram account [https://instagram.
Church Kirtland A friend had told me that Cleveland is apparently only like 20 minutes from a town called Kirtland and when I heard this I acted like I had won the
The Siblings Flat Tire Ring ring Eli: Yes, sister? Krishelle: Well I don't know what else to do. Everything is a mess. Eli: Want to go back a little and give me some context? Krishelle: I'm under an overpass and I'm probably
Ironman Water Heater I went for a run this weekend even though I made a solemn promise to all of you and to the universe that after Ironman Boulder I would never exercise again. But as it turns out, my body be doing crazy things lately. I
Ridiculous Best Assistant Ever Brianne: Did you notice that I folded all of the clothes scattered about your office and put them in neat piles? Eli: That large stack of sweaters is all mine? Brianne: Yes. They've been collecting here for about 2 years. Eli: Oh.
Ridiculous Golfing There was this big golf tournament with the firm and some clients last summer and I had experienced an excessive amount of anxiety over this because I, Eli Whittlebottom McCann, do not golf. You guys. First of all. I think golf is the most
Ironman Heart Monitors I wore the heart monitor for ten long days, just like I was instructed. I slept with it. I ate with it. I watched an excessive amount of TV with it. It's basically the longest and most healthy relationship I've
Ridiculous THE GREATEST DAY OF THE YEAR! You guys. Are you sitting down? Are you in a padded room? Have you taken your Xanax? Is there someone around to restrain you? You guys! PIONEER DAY IS THIS
Emails Emails with a Tickler Last week one Stranger named Kate sent me the below Craigslist ad: To: Craigslist Tickler From: June Snapple Subject: **Seeking ticklish women!! Pays cash!!** Dear Craigslist Tickler, Are you still
