The Perfects Eli's Swamp I know this story is going to sound exaggerated but I swear to you it is not. You guys. I'm a mess. My life is a mess. The
The Perfects Musical Cars and Meth Labs At any given time there are eleventy cars in my driveway. This is mostly because at any given time Young Wade owns eleventy cars. I'm not kidding you about this. He has this hobby where he buys cars at auction, drives them
Grandma Things My friend and I were sitting in a bookstore a few hours ago watching a hipster play a violin (quite well, I might add). He interrupted his own music every once in a while to give a very long explanation about how we are
Ridiculous Things I've Heard the Plumber Say from the Other Room So Far this Morning "Hahahahahahahahaha. Well THAT was unexpected." "There's one thing I know for sure and that's that you can't beat the price of bread!" "It wouldn't be a big deal if Mary would
Ollie Pictures from my Phone & Weekly Distractions Rebecca has been out of my life for two weeks now and I'M NOT PLEASED. I haven't heard much from her. But last weekend she called
Ridiculous Mega Drought Dispatch: 911. What's your emergency? Eli: Ok. So real quick--I'm not sure that this is an emergency. Dispatch: Eli. Seriously? Again? Eli: There is water BILLOWING down the street. BILLOWING. Dispatch: And what is your concern? Eli: Well, maybe you
Wade Jurassic World: Is America Getting Dumber? You guys. I saw Jurassic World this weekend. And oh my gosh. YOU GUYS. WHAT IS HAPPENING TO US? Seriously. Are we getting dumber? Is America getting dumber?! I know the entire Internets are already full of people complaining about things and tearing apart
Wade Pictures from my Phone & Weekly Distractions Last night I returned home from work to find Young Wade curled up in the fetal position on the couch, clammy, and possibly moments from death. He looked like someone
Ridiculous Ms. Painter The year was 1993. It was a warm Spring day. I was in Ms. Painter's 3rd grade class. Torie Thomas and I were both required to sit at the front of the classroom because, as was noted on our report cards, "
Wade Wake-Up Call Mr. Ollie Pants stayed at my house this weekend. This was a wonderful thing. Mr. Pants hasn't slept over for many weeks and I have had major withdrawals.
Wade Pictures from my Phone & Weekly Distractions It's Wade's birthday. He's turning 9. Or something. I'm not sure anymore. All I know is that he wasn't even
Wade Murderers in the Backyard Ring ring. Wade: Hello. Rebecca: THERE ARE MURDERERS IN MY BACKYARD!!! Wade: Huh? Rebecca: MURDERERS! MURDERERS IN MY BACKYARD!!! Wade: Care to elaborate? Rebecca: I heard large crashing sounds in the backyard and now I know there are murderers back there trying to kill
Ridiculous Massage Mishap What I'm about to tell you may end our cyber friendship. I'm aware of the risks. But I feel like it's my civic duty
Ukraine 10 Tips for Traveling on a Budget Over the last few years I've received a lot of emails from people asking how I have been able to travel as much as I have and whether
Wade Sometimes They Go Rebecca: Do you want my bed? Eli: Your twin sized child bed? No. No I do not. Rebecca: Well I don't know what to do with it. Eli:
Wade Pictures from my Phone & Weekly Distractions Today after I left the office I went to the gym to swim. As I often do, when I exited the pool, I entered the steam room for some light
Wade Surprise Birthday Party My birthday was on Monday and I turned 31 which means that I am now in my 30s. It was sort of a state of limbo for a while because when you're 30 it means you're not in your 20s
Famous for all the Wrong Reasons You guys. A strange thing happened this weekend. I woke up to some messages from a friend I made in Bosnia. The first message said: "I wonna send you
Ridiculous Falling in Amsterdam My flight left Belgrade, Serbia at an ungodly hour in the morning. Having stayed out until far too late in the night, the alarm clock went off only an hour or two after my head hit the pillow. Somehow I manipulated Tyler into taking
Ridiculous Emergency Bosnian Stop She was so polite when she asked for it. "Can you please pass me a tissue?" It came from four-year-old Liv's mouth from the back seat--the
Ridiculous Shabesaur This trip was sort of a spur of the moment deal for me. Well, only sort of. I ran into Kimberly and Tyler a few weeks ago after having not
Travel Climbing a Croatian Hill It occurred to me, just has it has many times in many similar circumstances, that I might be murdered as we climbed the old stone steps into the darkness. My
Ironman Massaging For Good About 12 seconds after crossing the finish line of the Half Ironman, Rebecca and I frantically raced the four hours to Salt Lake City so I could pack my things
Ironman St. George 70.3 I write to you now from somewhere over the Atlantic because, in a foolish daze a few weeks ago and at 2:00 AM from my office, I decided it
Ironman Pictures from my Phone & Weekly Distractions A very long week now comes to a close. I'm a few hours away from boarding my vehicle with Ms. Rebecca to make my way south for the
