EMBARRASSING I CAN NEVER GO BACK TO THAT LOCKER ROOM This post was written on Friday, in the heat of the moment. Oh my gosh. You guys. The most embarrassing thing EVER happened to me just now. I want to die. I want to die. I have to move. I can't be
The Siblings Pictures from my Phone & Weekly Distractions Merry Christmas, all. It's been snowing here. There is great misery in all the land. My best friend Corey is coming into town today for a wedding. I
Church Still Here At the risk of sounding like a broken record, I want to share some thoughts with you. And forgive me that these thoughts are coming from the deepest part of my soul and might sound awkward and are sort of uncomfortable for me to
The Siblings Other Idiots on the Road On Saturday we had our annual family adult Christmas outing. Wait. That sounds wrong. That sounds like my family once a year engages in x-rated Christmas festivities. You know what I mean. The adults get together and have an evening in December where nobody
Ridiculous Daniel Discovers Stranger Daniel called me the other day. We hadn't talked for a little while. The following conversation happened. Daniel: Eli. I canNOT believe you shared that video with people. Eli: What video? What people? I WAS YOUNG! I NEEDED THE MONEY! Daniel: Huh?
The Siblings Swine Flu Christmas It's a world record. The video from last Thursday's show at The Porch is up on Youtube and available for your viewing pleasure. Or displeasure. Or to your great frustration. It depends on how you feel about it. The point
Snapchat Pictures from my Phone & Weekly Distractions Just rolled back into Salt Lake City after a very fun night at The Porch. I should have the videos up for you over the weekend. A huge thanks to
Life Thank You I actually wasn't going to post anything today because I had a late and VERY strange night last night having dinner with Mexican celebrities. I didn't really realize what I had gotten myself into until I was in the middle
Ironman The Amazing Race I feel like a broken record announcing this for the third day in a row. But you've come to expect that around here. I really only have about three different jokes that I just use over and over again, interspersed with references
Tinder Shallow Tinder Good morning, all. It's freaking cold. But I have exciting news. I'm going to be telling a story on The Porch this Thursday evening at Muse
Ridiculous 10 Ideas for Getting Your Friend to Stop Watching Glee Quick announcement: We'll be at The Porch in Provo this Thursday at 8:30 PM for a fun Christmas-themed show. I'll get you more details tomorrow but wanted to let you know now since I just found out about it.
Church Pictures from my Phone & Weekly Distractions Happy weekend, Strangers. Glad to see you've survived it. I walked to work this morning and it was 12 degrees. TWELVE. TWELVE, GUYS. TWELVE DEGREES. TWELVE. Do you
Ridiculous My Phone is Vulgar I have a new "what the kids are doing" to tell you about. There's this thing that some phones can do that I'm pretty
Ironman A Horrifying Announcement I have a really big and terrifying announcement. I'M PREGNANT. See? Now it's funny because I make the joke so often. Pretty soon you guys are going to be begging me to tell you that I'm pregnant because
The Siblings What Happens on Thanksgiving Stays on Thanksgiving Last week was Thanksgiving. Cathie forced the children to dress up as Pilgrims and Indians. And then she made Bob wear this all through dinner. But she took her turn,
Life Oh, The Places You'll Go. Maybe. You know the famous Dr. Seuss book "Oh, The Places You'll Go?" Every time you have ever completed a phase of life, someone surely read this to you or quoted parts of it or kicked you out of the house
Emails Funniest Thanksgiving This might be the new laziest post of all time. I'M TIRED. It's been sort of a rough week around here, to tell you the truth. You know how on TV when the writers get lazy so they just do
Life The Parking Attendant Last night I freaked out at a parking garage attendant. Actually, that might be an exaggeration, depending on how you interpret "freaked out." I should clarify. Typically my version of freaking out means that I stop saying "please" and start
Ridiculous Pictures from my Phone & Weekly Distractions Late last night I got home from some shenanigans with friends and realized that I didn't take any pictures with my phone this week. This caused me a
Ridiculous The Crack of Dawn Yesterday morning I awoke to the sounds of a screamed obscenity. It wasn't me, although it could have been and has been on many prior occasions. Kurt and I are early risers. This is a new thing for me. In Palau Daniel
Ridiculous Palau Ruined Me I left Palau just two and a half months ago. Really? Is that all? Does it seem like it's been a lot longer than that to you guys? Someone get out a calendar and help me learn how to read it. Right
Shea Throat Chlamydia Ring Ring Val: Hello? Eli: DID YOU KNOW THERE'S SUCH A THING AS THROAT CHLAMYDIA?! Val: . . . Eli? Eli: I feel so gross right now! You have to help
Mexico Pictures from my Phone & Weekly Distractions I'm back in town and things have slowed down again. FYI, I've had a sore throat for about two weeks so I expect to be dead
Mexico Grandma & Lizards Over the past several days I've been in southern California and northern Mexico, visiting family and attempting to find the seemingly ever elusive hand-made flour tortillas. Guys. I
